Saturday, February 7, 2009

Airing Dirty Laundry

Oasis Feature: Re-post Self-disclosure and Honesty

How do you react when someone "over" shares?

Though I no longer live in the country, I think this post invites relevant introspection about our sharing boundaries.(click to read original post with comments)
 
Yes, it's true, I have lots of it! Seriously...at least three bags in the bedroom. See, it's been raining on the weekends and I wash all of my dirty clothes outside in the sun. Why? Yes, I have had modern conveniences but whenever they break, I take a break from the 21st century. Washing clothes outside reminds me of women washing by the river; I feel connected to the past and linked to an unbroken chain of peasant womanhood. Of course, women still wash clothes outside by a water source in many countries. (And, yes, it seems to be gender specific.) I look at this washing as my karma yoga, for all of you (sparse!) yogi bloggers out there. I kind of imagine myself out in another country, say India, next to the spiritually renown and polluted Ganges or in Peru, next to the Parana infested mystical water of the Amazon. Or on a Caribbean island, Antigua say, where author Jamaica Kincaid describes her childhood as she was growing up in the 1950's and I see her mother's pile of bleaching stones. I also see myself: There I am washing, and lifting the wet clothes. I swat them at the stones, breaking the clinging mud from its hold on the once lovely soft fabric. Rinse in the cool flowing water. I carefully spread the white clothes on the pile of bleaching rocks and allow the sun to bear down into the fabric until it is white again. If you do feel inspired to wash clothes outside and do your bit to save the planet, you should keep the weather report close at hand! Still, I'm not talking about that kind of dirty laundry.

I'm talking about the kind of secrets that people are not suppose to say unless there is a significant degree of real intimacy in the relationship. I was trying to come up with a list of socially taboo subjects...

  • physical and mental disabilities

  • same-sex gender preferences

  • terminated pregnancies

  • a murder in the family

  • financial problems

  • unmarried parents

  • bodily functions

  • criminal record
I know these are not all of the potentially "forbidden" subjects, but I think the above list is enough. Notice when someone begins to reveal something personal from the above list there can be a kind of moral physical retraction and the accompanying emotional feeling, 'Oh no, over-share! Make-it-stop. We want to know secrets and we don't want to know secrets. Why else would we avidly read about celebrities infidelities, and other domestic and personal indiscretions? Why would office gossip be so popular? Maybe we just don't want direct contact with those who tell their own secrets? What makes something wrong to share? How did we make these rules?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I've been thinking about this disclosure issue because some of you know that my mother was murdered. Whenever, I share this fact, it's a risk. Some people just want to run from this sort of bare fact. I've noticed the same concern addressed in other confessional modes. Consider, the Twelve-step Program which is designed to help people confront the desire to deny and soften the truth by beginning every testimonial with, "Hello, I'm (insert name here) and I'm an (insert condition here)." Why would people judge you when you tell them the biographical detail of your life? I've read many autobiographies and several of the classics which are titled, Confessions. (Rousseau, Leo Tolstoy and St. Augustine.) I've noticed that what was private has changed over time.(The three "Confessions are from the more recent past and go back to the 1600's) Also, I have worked for a number of years in counselor type positions (military, prison, and college). From these various experiences, I can assure you of what you must already know, people are not really so different. Everyone has secrets. My own dear grandmother would not talk about her missing father. I don't know if he was really 'killed in the war.' Were her parents really married? Did she feel shame? I would like to know. I'm sure you also have some family secrets you would like to know. Many of our questions remain unanswered, either they are buried in silence or buried underground. We just have to accept the fact that we will never know. It's a secret.
We assert or reveal who we are or what our values are through 
personal sharing.
In our time, I think we should pave the way of connecting by honestly (and without pressure)sharing our own life experience. And if someone shares with us through our everyday interaction or through the blogosphere, I think we should say (or at least think) in a nod to the sixties:
 
Let it all hang out!
Right on, baby!

You tell it like it is!

We should let those brave people who risk self-disclosure know that what they have shared has been honorably received. We should embrace them in an accepting atmosphere. I say this because recently, I've read some confessions in blogland and the commenter(s) seem to be frightened away. Sigh. I wonder why? I think our lack of response is interpreted as society's voice echoing the familiar warning:
Don't go airing your dirty laundry out in public.
Here's a quirky little video, I thought you might enjoy. Also, it makes me think of my mom's positive vision. I see her on her motorcycle. (Like other trail blazing women of her day, she was a proud trophy carrying member of the Motor Maids, Inc.) This is for you, "Mama Sue."




More about my clean laundry:
If you would like to know more about my mother's story, click on the highlighted links. Also, there is a documentary film that is being made by Brian Alexander about the life and death of my mother and her partner, Christine, just click here.

 photo credit

44 comments:

  1. Cynthia,

    When I read the part above about how commenters sometimes seem frightened away when someone confesses something on that "dirty laundry" list.

    Yes, I see that happen, too and even I for a moment questioned whether I should post a comment or email you when I read of your mother and Christine's murder in a post on Tangobaby's blog.

    But, it truly affected me and somehow I gained strength through their strength and sent you a personal email. You wrote back to me the nicest response, exactly mirroring you words "We should let those brave people who risk self-disclosure know that what they have shared has been honorably received. We should embrace them in an accepting atmosphere".

    It made me wonder why I hesitated, hesitated to say I am sorry for your "dirty laundry" of a murder in your family, or my "dirty laundry" that I am bi-sexual, something most of my friends don't know, as my two marriages have been to men and my girlfriends have been seen as girlfriends.

    I told you truthfully that if I am fortunate to fall in love again and it happens to be with a woman I want to spend the rest of my life with, then I can only hope that I can be as much in love and as strong as your mom and Christine were. I am not sure I am that brave, but we tend to gain strength from others.

    One of the quotations that was spoken at Mike's memorial was this: Mark Twain said "The fear of death follows the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time."

    One persons dirty laundry is another persons life experience they work through in secret because of fear. Positive legislation will help change views and prejudices, but it would not have changed James Brooks view; legislation will not change the minds of those who think the Holocaust never happened, and it will not stop abusers of people and animals from hurting others. But it is one of the tools of change we can use.

    Teri and the cats of Furrydance

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  2. Cynthia, I am 150% behind you, all the way, cherie - Folk should not feel censored by their audience, and if readers drop away, then so be it.

    Life is tough, the rough with the smooth and beautiful - To err (in life) is human and to forgive (empathize and console) is divine.

    I am going now to read your blog about your mum and her partner, and as much as it sounds trite, I feel your loss and for you, C, I really do - Big hugs...

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  3. Teri (of Cats of Furrydance),
    Thank you for your heartfelt comment. I know that we are all in a process of becoming...and I see your courage here. We all just have to find a way to appreciate others and experience joy within the muck and muddle of life. And too, do what we can to change things. I lift my cup (of coffee) to you and your strength. <3

    Dearest Woman Of...looking at the blog writer's experience...I'm pretty sure that we get to know each other over many postings and we can accept differences...it's the first time visitors that really may run off. (just a hunch) Thank you for standing with me. I don't think your words of sympathy are at all trite. Thank you for sharing with me. <3

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  4. First of all I must say that your friendship has enriched my life. Knowing about the horrific murder of your mother is a reminder that it can happen to any of us. People are terrified by this realization. But it is the truth. We must ackowledge what is going on out there about hate crimes. Only then we can make changes in our lives and our society. We live in an awkward world where people do not cultivate introspection and do not form healthy bonds with their families and thier community. It is no wonder why they cannot articulate their feelings and are easily overwhelmed with the truth. When I went back to work after my mother died last March nobody looked me in the eyes. They all avoided eye contact with me. Nobody ever talk about how I felt. I felt pretty bad. With the exception of my supervisor none of my "friendly-co workers" ever called me after they were told that I found my mother dead in her livingroom. I do not hold any animosity towards them but I ask myself about their lack of support and sympathy. I do not expect to get an answer. Even a former love interest of mine who had a very deep intimate relationship with me declined to offer his sympathies personally. I understand that many people are afraid. It is what it is. But the number of people that now feel safe and supported to share their tragedies makes it all worth it. Our blogs are fun but they are real too. Now that I'm public in my blog about being gay I wonder if family members or old friends from college are going to withdraw from me. Ultimately I do not care. The documentary about your mothers life and legacy must be done and showed to the world. Life is not just about great vacations in the Caribbean or a good recipe for meatloaf. Life brings many challenges too. We must address these challenges. Our humanity depends on it. These posts are vital because they are real.

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  5. Hi there. Thanks so much for your comment on my post about Arthur the Cat. I spent some time perusing your blog today, and it is amazing. You are fearless. I like that.

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  6. Well! It was going to be you posting this or me!

    Good for you darling friend,you are my cup of tea for sure and certain.
    Hail social justice and bravery.
    Hail open hearts!
    Hail your beautiful mum for giving us YOU!

    xxoo

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  7. Thank you for sharing your story about your mother's death,PC. I know how hard it was for you to lose your "One True Thing." (Remember the movie?)You seemed devoted to your mother. I can't imagine why people didn't open their arms to you and give you a big hug. You are so right about how people get shocked when they hear about the details of a death. I think we are afraid that it is just as you implied, you're living proof that "It could happen to anyone." It's fear.

    The retraction and the withdrawal is inspired by fear...and embarrassment...a kind of, "I don't know if I can handle this" emotional feeling. I find that the more we reach out and accept others in their pain, the easier it gets to do the reaching---and accepting comfort, too. Life is both sorrow and fun...and I can always use a good recipe...no doubt. But I understand too, that it's essential to be a real,as you say.

    Yet, knowing that we are all in a process of unfoldment. It's okay to be awkward. It's okay to play, too. Do you remember that title/saying from a book in the 70's, "I'm okay, you're okay." I think we still need to remember that sentiment...and cultivate an active acceptance in this world.

    My mother was so good at accepting others...and I thought she was always too close to strangers. Now, I understand her gift to me. Through her example of including people in our lives, people with 'problems,' I learned that I don't have to be so reticent with others. Now I can be more comfortable opening my personal space. And I know, too, that it's okay to have personal boundaries. Everything is a balance in life.

    Thank you for your insightful words, Pink Cowboy. <3

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  8. Dear Cynthia, this is a really lovely post, you seem to be a person that makes it easy for others to open up to. Your soft gentle nonjudgemental way is so comforting. I completely agree with what you say, opening up is a gift to ourselves too, living with secrets if it causes problems is not a good way to live. The thing I know to be true is this also, WE ALL HAVE SOMETHING in our familys and/or our past, you are so right. For myself, i don't feel a need to talk about these things, but I would always be open to listen. I try to live with gratitude and grace everyday. I'm so sorry to hear about your Mom...hugging you tightly. you are amazing.

    xx

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  9. Adrianne, so good of you to come by and call me fearless! I like that...sigh...if it were true. Maybe someday...I hope you can come back for a visit. Lots of love to your little soft sickly feline friend, Mr. Arthur.

    Natalie, Natalie, Natalie- all hail to you!
    I know you share this sentiment with me...and, too, the nervous readers. (chuckle) Ah, what to do? Much love to you over at Musings from the (down under) Deep.<3

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  10. This is such a wonderful post and even though the internet just ate my comment, I agree wholeheartedly with you and all of your commenters here. You spread a wealth of joy and positivity that is wonderful to be around. Thank you for giving such warm and loving support.

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  11. Thank you Lori Ann, you have an abundant heart. And, I agreee that we all need to share at our own pace. What's the good in sharing if it shuts us down? Also, sometimes I just love to feel happy. I don't want to indulge in sorrow. It's true what they say, "Life is too short."

    Sometimes, I'm compelled to share my stories because I understand how seemingly benign comments- or rather- non-comments(saying nothing)- led to my mother's murder. If Brooks did not have the silent and verbal approval of a conservative community, he wouldn't have found the courage to kill my mother.

    I do thank you for your sparkling presence here at Oasis. <3

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  12. Oh tangobaby, this blogsphere zaps the most undeserving commenters...now, I wonder what the missing words were...how good of you to come by and say those kind words to me. I thought your post today was sharp and to the heart. I'm glad I don't come off as a bummer...I like to laugh quite a bit...and since I started blogging, I'm enjoying these playful- and serious- connections so much. So thank you for sharing your perception that I spread joy...because I want to be clear- I do love people...you can be positive about that! <3

    Abundant affection to you, Tangobaby.

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  13. My friend,

    First of all it is always a joy and a priveledge to meet a kindred spirit on the path...

    I honour you courage and your love...and know that it is only through this commitment to reality, to the truth, that we are able to touch the centre of this gift called 'being human'.

    Thank you brave spirit for loving in spite of pain, For dreaming in spite of fear...

    For living your life in truth and the gentleness,

    Wings of love to you, Maithri

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  14. Thanks for your comment on my blog Cynthia, I found my way over here from Natalies Deep Musings... having been a real life friend of hers for many years now :)

    I was incredibly moved by your story, thank you so much for sharing it. The ignorance, cruelty and discrimination of some people defies belief. Still shaking my head....

    FYI, my main blog is the one entitled "one foot in front of the other"

    thanks again, and keep up the good work!!!

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  15. If there were more airing of dirty laundry in public there would be much less dirty laundry!

    As for your mother, I cannot imagine it, mine is being eaten by cancer right now and I suppose I think of cancer as a murderer. But still, not the same, cancer doesn't have a mind of its own does it.

    I will be back to read more, I hope you don't mind.

    Love to you, you seem to already have plenty of strength xxxx

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  16. Very unique blog.
    Fantastic images and topic.

    Let's join a green community to stop global warming. Please visit:

    http://globalgreenview.blogspot.com

    Please share this blog to your family, friends and you can add this blog as a link in your blog, so we can act together to keep our planet safe, beautiful, green and clean.

    I know you really care.

    Keep blogging.
    Stop Global Warming.
    Good day.

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  17. What a beautiful, gentle, diplomatic and meaningful post Cynthia. I can add nothing to the above comments except maybe this: It is easy to be a friend when all is well but the truly compassionate soul looks beyond any tragedy or circumstance and into the heart of the sufferer.

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  18. it's so my pleasure to be here, thank you for having me.
    xxxx

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  19. Maithri, so glad you came over to meet us here at Oasis. You do pay me an honor. Your work with the community of many children with AIDS takes my breath away. (I'm afraid I left a double comment over at your blog because of my a bit out of control enthusiasm.) It is good to meet someone else who shares my active peace orientation to the world community. Please be careful when you move. Don't risk yourself to help others-unless utterly compelled. It's good to make sure you can help others for a long time. In this way, it's selfless to be a bit selfish. I'm sure you don't need to hear my nonsense...I'm an over-protective mother, too. <3

    Oh Michelle, so sorry to hear about your mother. Such pain you have to deal with. My own father died of a terminal illness...a long and painful process. Now when I look back on that time, I know that I learned so much about how to deal with loss and connect to something intangible. It was during that most difficult period that I began to learn about the power of letting go.<3

    Success, welcome to Oasis. I couldn't find your profile. Something might be wrong with the connection link. I do support every effort to stop global warming. I do what I can. <3

    Janice T., yes, thank you for your words of wisdom. You are ever the poetic, reflective and wise person. <3

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  20. Hi Jen, I'll go over and check out your main blog! Thank you for visiting and reading my story. I hope you won't be a stranger over here at Oasis. Your friend, Natalie, brightens my day with her sharing- both the funny side and difficult side of life. I'm glad I found her and I'm sure you are a delight as well. <3

    Lori Ann, I sun salute in the morning, too! (Of course I'm refering to your post today.) Then I sit down for my morning meditation. That's my calming medication! Thanks for coming back. Also, thanks for the great links you provided today. <3

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  21. ah, to tell or not to tell? yep, i know it well. Thank you for stopping by my blog and for the above posting- thought provoking and real. blessed be, lisa xx

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  22. Welcome Lisa, I just came back from your music enhanced blog. I enjoyed your list today! Playful. :-)

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  23. Dear Cynthia,
    Thanks so much for sharing all of this with us. I have been particularly touched reading the posting you made on your Mother's birthday, telling the story of her murder. She sounds like she was an amazingly strong individual person and there must be an incredible void in your life since she passed away.
    I have found since writing a blog, that I am becoming increasingly honest and revealing with my words. Its the washing of the dirty laundry that makes each writer so interesting and individual.

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  24. Thank you, Dianne for your comment about the eariler linked story. I want to be open about the experience...not depressing...just honest about how we stereotype people and don't realize how they are vital and central to someone's life. My mother had five children, and she was involved in her grandkids lives...she also 'adopted' single mother's and their children. If only I could be as decent and committed as she was...she also was a founding member of a support organization, Affirmations, which helped people who had decided to stop hiding their sexual orientation.

    My mother was strong, it's true, but she was a certain kind of rare strong...the kind that felt compassion for those who other's just couldn't deal with...people who asked for too much, who didn't know how to control their own desire for more. She knew how to explain to 'difficult' people in a way that continued to help them. She looked for ways to employ as many people as she could. She let them live upstairs in our farm house, which was spacious. When our family grew up and my father died, there was a lot of space...but how many people would be willing to share? She didn't just cut 'welfare' cases off, she saw people as down on their luck and worked with them...sometimes she wasn't in safe situations. I worried about her dealings with rough-edged people.

    She was remarkable as an example of how to balance personal desire for advancement and how to bring others along with you. When she got her BA degree from Wayne State, she was 50 years old. I'm proud that she went to all of that trouble so that she could recuperate a lost dream. It has inspired me to not settle into an 'old me' feeling. I know that my limits are set by my own mind and that is the place to address personal changes.

    My mother dealt with many rejections as I was growing up. Some people in our family and old friends didn't accept her big personality. They made fun of her boldness. She was sensitive but hid it. As a teen, I felt her rejection by conservative people-amplified Xs ten. But she always gave people a chance, and remarkably, they usually overcame their prejudice against her. That being said, she was tremendously valued by so many. Strangers immediately liked her-fell love with her. And she would make time for them. I had to get use to the fact that my mother was not just for me and my family...she was a big-hearted person who was available to others. Sometimes, I just wanted quiet and privacy. She was a social being who loved to laugh and love. I didn't ever have to reach out to people when she was around...she filled the space with lots of diverse people and innovative plans.
    I left home early, disconnected, and from a long view, I was able to see who she was and I began to deeply appreciate her. Then she was killed.
    Thank you for listening to my memories...I have notice your blog sharing...your 'dirty laundry' doesn't seem as if is piling up. <3

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  25. I just wrote such a long message and it was deleted. I think I said that I wished I had met your mother, she must have been fun to be with and she was a good soul who gave a lot to others. I also said that the man who killed her must have lived in constant turmoil in jail, and hopefully he regretted what he did. She cleaned her karma Cynthia; she came to this world to help others,she was a giver , she gave life to 5 children and helped many others. You should feel proud to have had her as your mother, her murder was probably a resolve from a previous life, it's hard to understand it now ,but when we get to the spirit world we will understand why things happen the way they do. She probably was that man's enemy in a previous life, and that had to happen. He has to make amends with her in the spirit world. I think you must be thinking about it a lot since the documentary is so soon, you are probably reminiscing how it happened, why it happened and so forth. Think that she is your hero, she has grace and peace now.
    love and peace.
    D

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  26. Thank you Daphne, I appreciate your thoughts and attempt to understand. You are right, with the interview coming up for the film, I have been trying to remember what I would like to say about her. Much love to you, dear friend.

    Btw You both would have hit it off together because you both have the same social style. She included everyone, they way you do.

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  27. Dear Cynthia,
    Thank you so much for sharing your deepest thoughts with me in your reply to my comment. It is so cathartic to be able to express all these thoughts and memories about your life growing up in this very unique household. I'm sure living in an environment coloured by all these diverse companions must have made you very open and accepting of people.
    Big personalities, such as your Mother will always have people either loving or disliking her, it sound as if you couldn't have a neutral attitude towards her!

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  28. Yes, Dianne, thank you for helping me to think more specifically with your comments. Mom's inclusive personality did teach me to be more accepting toward others. <3

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  29. I'm a bit too tired today to do your post the justice it deserves. I found it so overwhelming and I felt so angry after reading about your mother's murder by this wicked man who also stood by and watched an animal roast to death, that I don't know where to begin. How much you have come through, Cynthia. I think it is good to talk about things, it gets them out of us - I applaud your view on life, your strength and the love you have for so much around you.

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  30. Thank you FF, for your empathy. I appreciate that people have different privacy needs and your acceptance of my sharing means a great deal to me. <3

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  31. Cynthia, first of all, I am truly sorry for the horrific experience of loosing your mother in this hideous way. I am also grateful her story is not being lost and this documentary is being made of it and her partner.

    This business of it being risky to share your stories or other thoughts with people is amazing, really. On the storyteller's part it is very much a part of self-protection. For those who hear the story, I cannot speak...most likely it is fear which drives them (as it drives any response of that sort).

    My best friend of almost 35 years lost her only child when she was just shy of 5 years old. This daughter was born with issues to begin with, but this is her daughter. When she was born, my friend and her then husband and father of her daughter, saw their friends surround them with love or walk away from them. When their daughter died, the same thing happened. My friend said she quickly found out who her real friends were, but she also seemed to understand there are just people who cannot make a connection with anything traumatic. They cannot meet with the emotions and access their own feelings.

    I think we all have issues which we do not share and issues we do not bring up...some, however cannot be helped as in your case. One thing I know for sure, though, is working through the issues which these times present makes us so much stronger when we come out the other side. I have also found, for me, being grateful to those who have provided me with this opportunity to become a better person is an important part of my healing.

    You are obviously a very strong person, Cynthia...you can't help but be so with the challenges you have faced. I, for one, am very glad you have found the strength to share this story here...and grateful for the strength of the filmmaker to create this documentary of your mother's story!

    I send you a very big hug!

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  32. Kim, thank you for your concerned and detailed response. I think the loss of a child is the greatest fear many people have. Many families break up after such a traumatic loss. Your friend was lucky to have your close support. And I do appreciate those who listen and reflect about this murder.

    I know that we can change the passive attitude about discrimination if its impact is made known. My sisters are also helping with the documentary, we all do what we can. Thank you again, dear Kim. <3

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  33. Cynthia, Your openness is moving. I agree that the best way to defuse a secret is to let it out. I am sorry for your terrible loss but know within it there is a great gift.

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  34. I'm a student teacher in Kindergarten and your list is exactly the things that we are not allowed to discuss in school. It's really sad because I feel that these are some issues that children should be taught to handle and helped to understand that they are not alone in dealing with these things.

    Thanks for stopping by my blog!

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  35. Cynthia, I have not been reading blogs for a few days so have only just read this. It is terribly sad, for your mom and her partner to die this way. Horrible and horrifying. I do think such a happening is a hard thing to share and from the side of listener hard to know what to say to a story so extreme and traumatic. I only can say I am sorry and send prayers to you and your family. The memory of the murder will be there for your whole life. The family history and story. Sending hugs, suki

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  36. what a beautiful topic ! I eally enjoyed it. In fact I learnt many things from this post. And your writing proves that you speak from your heart. Thanks a lot for leaving a comment onmy blog. :)

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  37. MLou, thank you for your supportive comment about the importance of sharing secrets. I'll be over to visit you soon. <3

    Queen Bee, I know exactly what you are talking about. We try to hide life from children so that when something shocking happens they only understand the that their is an emotion pressing on the people around and they are confused. They do need to be told as much as they can understand. YOu sound like a bright new dedicated teacher that parents would be lucky to have for their child. Good luck with your new profession. <3

    Sukipoet, Thank you for your warmth and comforting words. I too find it hard to listen/read about tragic events. Whenever I hear the news or detective stories, I feel the pain of the 'storied' people. The treatment of their story is usually so superficial or made to shock that it seems that it is not quite about real people in real events. Only I don't have that filter. It's real to me. And it's okay, I think accepting pain makes it possible for me to feel concern and laugh so often. Otherwise, life is too numbing. I also avoid watching gratuitious violence in films. I space out my doses of vicarious emotion in great films too. Keeping emotional balance is important to me. Thank you again, Suki, for reading this. I know with your recent loss of your mother, and then your compassion for your son and his loss makes it more difficult to give space to others experiences. I do appreciate your gift of sharing. <3

    Hello Deepak, Thank you for finding your way here and sharing with me a bit. I hope you return again. You have a beautiful blog. <3

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  38. Cynthia,
    Thanks for coming by Pappy's Balderdash. It wasn't a really political blog in the past, but an increasing trend in the press to only cover one side has me feeling the need to rant. Interesting blog entry. I lived in Puerto Rico as a child and went back in college for a summer to work there. I was in San Turce and Ceiba. I'm no longer sure about the spelling of San Turce. I am of the cautious school when it comes to revealing too much of yourself to strangers. I am even cautious with friends. I think a lot of what is revealed on the net is a searching for those of like mind. I know when I write a personal piece, poetry or short story, others will attach their own feelings to my revelations and usually write prolific comments. Come by anytime, visitors are always welcome. Commenters don't have to agree with my views to be published. Have a great week. Pappy

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  39. Thank you, Pappy, for your visit. I know a lot of people don't like to reveal too much. My father, in fact, was very reserved, which made it all the more delightful when he did say some private comment. He could be incredibly humorous in the most understated manner.

    I certainly will come by again and I hope I didn't offend you with my comment about tax aversion. What can I do? Ya'll need a good rant ever' now and agin'! <3

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  40. Good grief...there is a lot to read here. A lot to see and a lot to take in. Thanks for coming by my blog today. You asked which one I used most. I think you can tell by the amount of posts on each, Lynn-Getting my feet wet, is my daily blog; Art quilts by Lynn is where I store my art quilt photos; the health one I started Jan. 08 and last posted in Sept. 08. It needs to be updated.
    And the Around the World in 20 Quilts is a group endeavor with some women around the world I make quilts with (long distance). ;0
    Lots of interesting things here to see and read. I will come back when I have more time.

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  41. Thank you for stopping by Lynn. I will check your daily blog more often though all of them seem interesting. I suppose 'good grief' is one way to see the post...I hope you have time to read sometime in the future.

    You seem like a concerned and socially active person...with the 'around the world' quilt project...I did a post on quilts...connecting to the symbolic meanings... Thank you again for the visit and for answering my questions about your blog(s).<3

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  42. No messages received, today.
    Thanks for the email.xx

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  43. Funny graphic. Interesting words on over-sharing, but blogging is about sharing. You make your own rules. I'd pick honesty over manners.

    How horrible that your mother was murdered! You have been through so much and yet sound so well balanced. That is a tribute to you and your mother.

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  44. Sarah, yes over-sharing, how do we know when the sharing glass in under or when it spills over? Thank you for your kindness and for clicking on the story of my mother's murder, "Goodbye Sun". I wrote about it in October and going through the details is too emotionally impacting...I gave the overview here...but how I actually feel is in the October story of my mother's murder.

    You mentioned that I seemed balanced; I always consider the fact that so many have suffered (or are suffering) more than me...I have to be balanced to be of any comfort to others who may need me.

    We all have that responsibility, I think. I appreciate your comment about manners...I never really thought that it was impolite to talk about forbidden subjects. You brought a new idea to my head- a reason we were taught to not speak of the "unspeakable"! (I better stop now the negatives in that sentence are getting out of control! ha) <3

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