Life is a surprise. It's full of forgetting and remembering but when you forget, you don't remember. Okay. Take that thought slowly. It is only when you remember that you realize that you forgot something. It's like that with most lost memories...they come rushing through your mind after some triggering moment. It is also possible to remember factual events, but still forget the accompanying feelings that those events entailed. So I ask myself: Do you remember if you don't feel the experience again? Lately, my memory is inundated with past experiences that come upon me, suddenly. And too, I'm aware of the feelings of another time. They sweep through my mind alive with the fragrant and bittersweet breeze...Morning Memory
White lace flower curtain
Growing round and close.
Late morning heat, cooled,
Again the earth breathes sky.
Brushed by the damp and
Dead leaves, I walk.
Head-wind determined...
Old fears dry and peel off.
Oh memory wind, oh friend
I open the door to your
everything and all -in
this once-was breeze
Heavy stuck leaf-prints
Evaporate and crumble
Soil-rich with promise-
Newness yet to come.
(Cynthia Pittmann)
~~~~~
What causes this upsurge of memory? It could be a certain age, or having time to reflect? Perhaps it is a combination of turbulence and slow thought all in the context of a relationship? I am a mother who has a daughter- and "we get along" my daughter would say. Lately, when the breeze of her life blows through mine, I remember what it was like to live many years ago. I don't mean that I experience what she experiences (though that happens too) I mean that I remember myself as a teenager. I think back on my own high school years and I remember what it felt like to be devoted, absorbed and swept away by another-in the "teen way"- which is not usually accessible to my ordinary task-oriented adult self. Lately, I surprise myself with tears when I listen to the uncomplicated music of Taylor Swift. Suddenly, I remember/realize the pain of early unrequited love when I hear this song (Don't judge me!!! :-) :
~~~~~~
Letter to Sweet Sixteen
Dearest young Miss C,
Going as you are into this life of love...
Anger, joy, loss, and hope all swirling around you
Kaleidoscope of poetry and dreams
Your mind a Ferris Wheel , a Carousel
"June is busting out all over..."
You discover Spring arrives early in Ohio...and
It's a trip -all night-to reach down to find spring...
Alive in the apple blossoms...
Alive in your favorite songs...
A wild and careful you-
an overfilled fragrant vase-
Set on the mantle,
likely to fall. Oh, would I catch you?
I would. And yet, wild horses will break that
"country roads take me home" innocence.
Should I tell you many dreams will fall away?
No, I can't.
You get to have your time...uncomplicated
Romeo and Juliet. Wasn't it Robert Kincaid who said,
"The old dreams were good dreams;
they didn't work out, but I'm glad I had them."
In love, welcome
and goodbye.
(Cynthia Pittmann)
~~~~~
I remember watching this music video many times with my daughter. From my adult me's perspective, it was "cute," even charming. But then one day, my concentration focused in and I left behind all of the story detail analysis of the anachronisms.(Romeo and Juliet were younger than that...they couldn't really be together...that period costume, it comes from a later date...) I didn't have to hear, "Oh, Mom, stop talking. You're ruining the video!" because I was there, too. My teen-self came forward and asserted herself, "Let me be. Let me live."
~~~~~~
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~~~~~Hey there, Cynthia (on the far left), how are you doing? It's been a long time; and, it's so nice to see you, again!
Post Script:
Thank you, blogger friends, for taking this trip down memory lane with me. I know we stayed up all night talking but the sun is rising and I feel renewed! xxoo
