Negotiating Change

The summer is a time of change for me. When I go out to work, my schedule is planned out with deadlines and tasks but at home every one's schedule is in flux. We are like a rug just given a great smart shake. Ouch!! So far I got sick, my husband got sick and now my daughter. Only my son has been spared. I'm wary of the domino effect and continue to glance at him sideways. Why do we get sick at semester's end? As a matter of fact, what is it about seasonal change that brings on a cold? I'm not sure of the answers but I do know some ways that I use to negotiate the transition and I thought I would post them to remind myself. If you are undergoing a similar situation feel free to try them and add your own in the comment section:

1. Get up in the morning at a regular time and meditate or do something soothing.

I found a gentle chant for you to play:

2. Go outside and appreciate nature...

3. Create a work and play plan...

4. Make sure you go to bed at a regular time.

5. Laugh as often as possible.

6. Re-evaluate your life in gentle doses...(Don't overwhelm yourself by creating drama.)

What do you do to negotiate change? I have a friend who schedules all of her yearly medical checkups at this time. I wonder if I should try that? I went to the doctor about an infection and he said many people were coming in for the same thing; it must be the seasonal change. This is Puerto Rico, we're in the tropics! What seasonal change are we experiencing? It's just hot, hotter, hottest. I'm wondering how subtle shifts in climate can cause a significant change. Do our thoughts about change interfere with our adjustment?

Here's an attitude shifting video from 1966, it's Abbe Lane and "The Tom Hansen Dancers" (You don't know them? -neither do I!) They are "Havin' A Heat Wave" on "The Red Skelton Hour" :



It certainly puts a smile on my face!
What am I doing now? (smile's gone...)I'm off to the doctor. Whether or not it's the weather, my daughter's sick...is it the flu? I hope she recovers soon because tomorrow she's going to a prom. (Note: positive thinking.)

Love is All Around Me?

Have you read William Carlos Williams' (1883-1963) short story, "A Use of Force"? Williams was a medical doctor who specialized in pediatrics in Rutherford, New Jersey and who also maintained a highly successful writing career. In this particular story, he seems to address that hidden facet of human behavior, violence, that lies dormant until the appropriate circumstances bring it out. In brief, during a house visit a doctor feels forced open the mouth of a defiant little girl in order to diagnose diphtheria. Naturally, it is expected that a doctor would do everything in his power to save the patient from further pain and perhaps death; however, he honestly reveals his thoughts during the situation. Since Williams is a doctor and the fictional story is about a doctor's experience, the reader starts thinking that the story is true, which makes it all the more impacting. When the girl stubbornly refuses to open her mouth and physically prevents the examination, the narrator-doctor reveals the following confessional thoughts, " But the worst of it was that I too had got beyond reason. I could have torn the child apart in my own fury and enjoyed it. It was a pleasure to attack her. My face was burning with it." You may wonder, is the doctor a bad person? I think, no, anger is the real culprit.

I'm working my way over to this morning's traffic jam, or tapon as it is commonly called in Puerto Rico. Some people are angry. Some good people are terribly angry. This anger causes them to pull out of the lane, pass on the emergency lane and then enter the lane again a bit further down the road. This impulsively impatient behavior causes other drivers who are suffering from the "I'm late and I'm not going to take it anymore" syndrome, to repeat the offence. Horns blow. Hand's fly heavenward with oxymoronic intention. Road Rage. It's pure and simple. I bought a CD, Road Sage by Sylvia Boorstein, to listen to while driving. It provides mindfulness techniques for drivers, which I have yet to successfully share with my carpool buddy. I'm sure that it is helpful. It's just that the information on breathing and focusing and such, is not what people are drawn to do in congested traffic situations. Besides, if you meditate, you probably already practice mindfulness or another focus technique during traffic jams. If you don't have a practice, it's difficult to learn (or want to learn) while under rage's grip. How can I share this information? At other more peaceful driving times, it's just not a compelling CD listen. Anti-rage instruction or the radio? Hummm...which to choose? I have hit load and play in an attempt to give Silvia a fighting chance only to be assaulted by a chorus of moans and cries, especially from the back seats, "Mommmmm." What can I do?

I may have misrepresented the situation, after all, this is Puerto Rico, La Isla del Encanto. This beautiful island of enchantment has an interesting mix of cultural behaviors. One driver may be enraged but several others are applying eye makeup, adjusting their carefully groomed hair, dialing a phone number... or sending a text message, stopping in the traffic lane to buy a La Hora newspaper, pink or blue cotton candy, avocados, or dripping wet bottled water. Or dropping a passenger off, especially if you are near a school. Or maybe the driver is turning around to talk with the person in the back, or reaching over to the glove compartment and so on. Maybe a motor scooter will speedily drive between and around the slow cars or, conversely, a distressingly sick person will be negotiating a wheelchair between the lanes, pausing at car windows with a lifted paper cup. The point being that it is quite common for the waiting drivers to be highly distracted. Sometimes drivers are patient, beyond patient- it's true- even when the hold up is caused by those who are adapting to the traffic jam as with the preceding attention diverting strategies. At other times, the entire congested beehive bursts open and many suffer the stinging consequences of an accident (fender-bender) and the resulting interminable wait for the police to arrive in order to make an accident report. It makes me think about why we are able to control ourselves under great stress sometimes, while at other times we completely lose it. Anger is the boss. To be or not to be-angry- that is the question. I read a most helpful monk's behavior principle to be practice while on retreat. I think it's helpful during traffic jams or any other type of anger provoking situation. It is: "Do not complete your anger." The way I interpret the meaning of this tenant is that even when you feel angry, at some point you will recognize your state, and that is when you have the opportunity to let go, to not complete or follow through with angry intentions, angry words, angry thoughts. Maybe you could visualize El Yunque (pictured here in free downloads) and see yourself sitting next to the waterfall while enjoying a peaceful picnic.

And if you need to move your mind to another point of attention, why not remember the scene from the movie, Love Actually, where we have to laugh and empathize with this has been rock star singing, "Love is All Around Me." No, that is "Christmas is all around me"...that's right...it's Christmas...the word that is ...I know Christmas is over.

Bill Nighy (pronounced as Bill Nye -like the science guy-2007)

Photo from wikipedia

Parents and those with gentle sensibilities be warned, you will encounter Billy Mack's profuse (perhaps eloquent?) stream of swearing in the following YouTube video.




Photo: William Carlos Williams 1926 from linked site.

Transcendental Meditation

Do you know about the Transcendental Meditation technique? When I was a 20 year old college student, living in the Stars Hollow town of Coronado, I started working for Dr. and Suzie Averbach as a vegetarian cook and caregiver for their baby girl, Sara. I found out about the job in the classified section of the Coronado Journal and the idea of cooking for a family seemed like a break from my usual stressful I-need-to- be-validated career-path work. In the interview, I said that I was soon to be married and I wanted a job where I could learn how to live a wholesome vegetarian lifestyle. Suzie was pleased to find me; she was sure that her meditation practice (vibration) had sent me to her, and I was excited to be in a home where I could be an apprentice to these family life skills. After working there for some months, watching the baby when Suzy would go to her room to meditate, cooking vegetarian recipes with a cookbook in hand, and learning how to make Friday celebration Jewish food, Suzy invited me to undertake Transcendental Meditation classes at the center. I would work off the hours to cover the expense of two tuitions, one for myself and one for my new husband, Wendell. Suzi and her husband were in the TM-Sidhi program, i.e. advanced yogis within this scientifically based spiritual path. Usually, when she was meditating, I would hear a plopping sound on the floor where she had a thick foam mat that she meditated on. I later realized that she was practicing a technique that was ridiculed by the skeptical, and was sometimes referred to as the flying yogi practice. I could hear Suzie's body fall after it levitated up and bounced down repeatedly while she was meditating.

The primary TM method involves a sound meditation mantra that you repeat two times a day for about twenty minutes. I had heard that the Beatles met the Maharishi Mahesh Yogi, though Suzie indicated that this encounter harmed the TM organization, still I was curious about what they experienced. What was appealing to me about the technique was that it was results oriented, scientifically validated and proven to create an increased ability to concentrate, lower overall stress levels and create harmony between people. They showed the beginning meditators various charts which focused on medical data that demonstrated improved health in meditators and statistics that proved a decrease in crime in areas surrounding a community of meditators. These lessons were given to convince the students about the efficacy of the TM method. However, I already understood that this method helped to control emotional reactions in my family life apprenticeship.

I found it endearing and humorous how Suzie handled the normal problems of life. She was frugal but as professionals neither she nor her husband had time (or skill) to manage car repair, yard work and other tasks. Sometimes, I drove her and Sara to the Volvo mechanics in National City to do the most rudimentary work, such as an oil change, air filter replacement, threading a special buckle through the safety belt for the baby seat. The mechanics saw her coming- a rich, short Jewish white lady, and it seemed to me that their hourly rate would increase with every minor request, "Could you tighten the screw on the door handle and fill the tires to the correct amount of air pressure?"

When they were finished, Suzie would look at the man and discuss the bill in the most level headed manner. She did not lose her temper when the bill reflected that she had just paid the full labor rate for those minor tasks. She would go over all of the charges and see if there was any way the bill could be adjusted. I would try to keep my face blank so as to not reveal my surprise when they charged her for those simple tasks; innocently, I asked why her husband didn't do that work himself and I mentioned that I knew how to do some of those tasks-I could help her. But she explained that safety was important and it was better to be sure that the work was done by a specialist. She said her husband was busy with his patients and she was responsible for the household management, which included the car maintenance. Suzie had a master's degree in interdisciplinary studies but she embraced her role as a mother. She ask me,"Is there a greater honor than to be a mother?" I loved Suzie but I was sure that we didn't swim in the same stream. Appreciatively, I would learn everything I could from her and some things I just had to let slide off me.

As a wedding gift, she gave me The Science of Being and Art of Living by Maharishi Mahesh Yogi in which he explains how the subtle levels influence the body, mind and community and which lays out how meditation influences this layer of energetic manifestation. I routinely practiced the technique while incorporating hatha yoga, walking and running to my weekly routine. By being in close proximity with a regular meditator, I learned to let go of my judgment of others and accept difference in perspective. I saw how Suzie's husband maintained his Jewish faith, meditated and worked long hours. He doggedly struggled with Mexican patients who would not follow his directions (particularly with antibiotic prescriptions) and they would return again and again with further complications. I noticed the families frugal daily lifestyle that focused on quality, longevity, and health by their little decisions such as buying pure un-embellished cotton clothing for baby Sara. Suzie, too, dressed comfortably and simply. Unconcerned with impression making, they covered their couches with mismatched but frequently changed sheets. Through an arrangement with the Coronado Hospital they were able to live rent free. They would accommodate Suzie's typical Jewish mother who often came to visit for a month at a time. She provided occasional and unwelcome but expected commentary on their lifestyle, though she, too, was a practicing meditator. I would hear Suzie tell her Mom, "Go outside, rest on a chair and meditate until you feel better." Her mother would look at me and say, "Do you think this TM works?" I appreciate Suzie for her insight, quirkiness and introduction to a more peaceful lifestyle. Thank you for setting me on the yogic path and introducing me to meditation.

What is Meditation?

Yogini asked me about why I meditate if I also practice yoga, afterall yoga is meditation, right? I first learned meditation (after hatha yoga) as Transcendental Meditation, the TM technique. It is based on the silent repetition of an internal sound- your assigned mantra- for 20 minutes in the AM and 20 minutes in the PM. As a focusing technique, it was excellent but I found myself repeating the mantra during my hatha practice and incorporating breathing techniques as well. After some years, the mantra seemed to continue on its own in my memory sound. I started to practice Buddhist based techniques of following the breath and mindfulness practices including walking, writing and sitting practice. My asana practice decreased in length and I naturally felt energy rising into my brain...so I made watching this energy my practice for a number of years along with an inquiry practice (Who am I?) while bringing my attention to the witness of these thoughts. Two summers ago, I met an advanced Kundalini teacher at a breast cancer 5k walk and I was compelled to sit and meditate near her. When I had a chance to talk with her, she told me that my third eye was opening and closing, and, she asked me if I meditated. I told her about the mindfulness techniques, the witnessing, and she just made a curious expression and said meditation helps to open the chakras. Because her presence was so powerful, I decided to begin a one hour practice each morning, and extend that time on the weekends. I have been using various Kundalini mantras, prayers, and consciously opening myself as a channel for grace, i.e. sharing positive energy. Sending goodwill as well as experencing the uplifting energy has made me convert my day to day life to a service practice. All of this could be too much for many yogis but it fits with my vision of the world, and, it reaffirms a way to practice love. Currently, as a student of Paramahansa Yogananda's lessons, and through research, I have begun to see that my path is a combination of needs related to my own karma and I accept the diversity in my approach to self-realization. So mantras run in my mind throughout the day, and if I feel uncentered, I pick up the pen or practice mindfulness in whatever I am doing- even in hatha yoga.