Fear or love?

Choose love or fear..."There are two basic motivating forces: fear and love. When we are afraid, we pull back from life. When we are in love, we open to all that life has to offer with passion, excitement, and acceptance. We need to learn to love ourselves first, in all our glory and our imperfections. If we cannot love ourselves, we cannot fully open to our ability to love others or our potential to create. Evolution and all hopes for a better world rest in the fearlessness and open-hearted vision of people who embrace life." ~ John Lennon

Dear Mom

Oasis Reflection: It's October again.

Halloween is Susan Pittmann, my mother's, birthday. When I see pumpkins, black cats and witches, I think of her. Why would that be a concern, you may wonder. You see, she was murdered in a hate crime 18 years ago by our neighbor, Jim Brooks. (I wrote about the murder.) Since that time a lot has happened around her story. Isn't it strange how a life can continue in some way even after it passes? Every October brings with it a time to reflect, whether I want to or not, about that tragic event. I thought I would just go ahead and write about it here, on my 100th blog post.

Dear Mom,

I turn to you on this day because I am compelled to embrace your life. You are the door that has led me on so many life journeys. I want to thank you for your strength and open mindedness. Do you remember that you once told me that I could have benefited from a mom who was more sensitive? I want you to know that you were enough, and that I did not need any other mother.

You were a strong straightforward person- a woman bound to accomplish, an entrepreneur, and a visionary. We had our differences. You liked having a practical vegetable garden and I loved growing flowers. You liked painted properties and I liked painted canvas. You were tough and I was sensitive. You were a 'people person' and I was somewhat reserved. Let me be clear about your insight, Mom, you were wrong because you were exactly what I wanted and needed. You taught me to toughen up, and I'm still learning that lesson from you.

Do you see that book cover I posted here, Love in the Balance? It arrived in the mail last week. It has a character, Evonne, who is loosely based on you. And the scene of the murder trial, news reports, the sentencing of Mr. Brooks are all factually correct. Some of it sounds like it came right out of the TV news reports, "Our top story tonight is the double murder this morning of two local women at their home in a quiet rural neighborhood...It is unclear whether the murders were the result of a boundary dispute. The women were in the process of installing a fence separating their property from that of the suspected killer." There is one mention about a daughter, Jenny, who spoke to the reporters and at the funeral. Her words make people understand that her mother was a loving mother, grandmother, and friend-and that living a lesbian lifestyle does not mean that you are someone who is separated from the normal embrace of family life. That message is what I try to share as well. I think you would like the book. It's about self-acceptance and celebrating life.

I found out about the book because the author, Marianne Martin, was interviewed by the film maker, Brian Alexander for the Pittmann Puckett Documentary- yes, there is a film being made about you and your partner's murder, and how it mobilized the gay-lesbian community into action. Did you know that the Michigan organization you founded (with others), Affirmations, is still going strong? It serves as a community and support center for people who are discovering and/or celebrating their sexual identity. There is an art gallery named after you, too, and I copied the dedication for you:

The Pittmann-Puckett Art Gallery was founded in memory of two of Affirmations founding members and strongest supporters, Susan Pittmann and Christine Puckett. The couple was killed in their home by a neighbor in 1992.

I went to Michigan last March to be interviewed for the film. It was a powerful experience, and I felt as though I could say all that was important to me about you and your murder. I hope the film is seen by many people, and that it continues to expand and open the perception of those who are narrow-minded. While I was there, I was able to visit the Pittmann-Puckett Art Gallery. I was proud to know that your presence continues to be felt within that organization. I particularly appreciate that an art gallery was named after you (and Christine). Do you remember that the first college class I ever took was with you? And it was art history?

I am strengthened by the memory of how you lived your life. Your graduation from Wayne State University at 50 years young-as you would say-continues to inspire me to strive forward regardless of artificial age limits. Thank you for showing me how to change and become strong enough to obtain my goals in life.

Just before you were killed, you told me that you were proud of me and how I lived my life. Mom, I hope I always make you proud of me. I hope my life reflects the best of your legacy. I will always love you.

Your daughter,

Cynthia "Sue"-included for you, Mom xxoo

PS. You will be happy to know that the Hate Crimes Bill was signed into law just three hours ago----------

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Thank you, dear bloggers, for sharing this time with me.

Photo credit

(Thank you, Maithri, of Soaring Impulse for the posting this award winning photo on his blog. Heart Hands by Paolo Sapio.)

An Interview with Cynthia Pittmann by the Novelist, Elizabeth Wix

On a Sunday afternoon, with the TV blaring "We Were Soldiers" in the background, Elizabeth Wix, author of "The Three Graces" and presiding head of About New York blog had a blogger's conversation with Cynthia...






Elizabeth: While you are in Puerto Rico, what things do you miss about the US mainland? - and vice versa.

Cynthia: The first thought that springs to my mind is freedom to walk. I love Puerto Rico but because it is a Latin society, though influenced by the United States, some gender traditions are hard to break. Why does it communicate that I'm "available" if I walk alone on the streets? When I lived in town, I counted all of the "incidents" I suffered through because of walking alone. On average, one harsh event a month for thirteen months in a row. I decided to be more careful, to change my walking habit if you will. I decided to make myself walk in protected/controlled areas. Don't you miss so many things when you leave some place? I miss Michigan for the soil and earth, and the extroverted straightforward people. I miss California because of the space, freedom to explore and general acceptance of difference. I miss Tennessee because of the way people value books and the "craft of making" out of anything that's handy. When I live in the country in Puerto Rico instead of the city, I miss the coffee house feel of local bakeries, the accessibility to art galleries, historical locations, the beach, and the theatre/music scene. With every positive choice, I have to accept that it is also a turning away from other possible choices. Living in the country now, I have freedom to have animals, garden, and lots of space but I also have to drive into the city every work day and take care of many things. It's like I live a double life; there's the 'country me' and the 'city me'. I'm on vacation now so the 'country me' is showing, I think my posts will change when I return to the chaos.

Elizabeth: What three books do you think have influenced you most as a writer and as a person?


Cynthia: I'm not going to choose the best books, or my favorite books or even books that I enjoyed, necessarily. I don't think a book has to fulfill these requirements to be personally influential. I'm looking at myself up-close after having read these three books a long time ago and my focus on life-impact brings my attention to these books. Another selection consideration is that a book does not have to be well written to make an impact because sometimes it's a matter of perfect timing. Consequently, the books that present themselves to my mind at this moment are: The Communication of Innovation; A Cross-Cultural Approach (Everett Rogers and F. Floyd Shoemaker), and At the Bottom of the River (Jamaica Kincaid) and Writing Down the Bones (Natalie Goldberg).

The first book is a communication research study on how people change, e.g what makes someone from another country go against custom and accept a water treatment method if they don't believe in the findings of health study research? I read this book from cover to cover. I memorized the research data, and understood two important terms "change agent" and "opinion leader." (A "change agent" is the person who tries to introduce positive change and an "opinion leader" is someone who is from your own community that you trust to judge in situations where you lack expertise. Change agents must rely on opinion leaders in order to help communities.) It was practical research for someone who ponders how to make a difference in the world and it inspired me to continue on to graduate school where I majored in communication. The Jamaica Kincaid book of prose poetry made me decide that my own poetry and prose might be okay even though it didn't always follow traditional models, and helped me to decide that I wanted to continue my English literary education in something that focused on "minority" literature. I discovered that the only way for me to study literature was comparatively, i.e. there is no need to avoid traditional literature. Natalie Goldberg provided me with a private writing technique, which combined meditation practice with writing practice. I needed to learn to write without being concerned about results. This book is organized in short chapters that are built around an autobiographically based story, which often ends up suggesting a writing activity. I use this casual but intense approach to writing because it pushes me on to the next page or the next writing project.

Elizabeth: If you could magically acquire a new skill/characteristic or talent what would it be?

Cynthia: I would love to trust life. I know many people feel a normal confidence in life but I'm talking about a particular kind of trust, more like a complete letting go combined with secure action. Years ago, I had a near-death experience where I felt completely at ease, peaceful and so utterly well (words don't describe the feeling). Since that time, I know that I have a great distance to go before I feel that in ordinary everyday life. I'm not talking about a religious experience, but maybe a spiritual experience. I just knew that all was well. Briefly, I had a car accident. When the car started rolling, I tried to control its spin, but I couldn't because the steering wheel would have broken my arms if I grabbed hold of it. I felt complete terror, more than I'd ever known before or since. Suddenly, I had the thought, "It's out of my hands." (literally and figuratively!) With this realization an incredible peace flooded me. As I watched the rest of the accident unfold, I knew that whatever happened, I would be fine with the outcome. Now that I know complete freedom from anxiety, I yearn for that peace every day of my life.

Elizabeth:You have an afternoon all to yourself -no chores or obligations -How would you spend it?

Cynthia: I think I'll bore others by answering this question. I could invent something but it wouldn't be true. Okay, I would listen to music, do some hatha yoga, light a candle and write. Which is what I do anyway, even if there is no time. I might vary the activities a little because I read so much that I even forgot to mention it. Maybe I should paint, take up photography, or enroll in singing lessons? My blogger friends are starting to inspire me...

Elizabeth: You have $1000 to give away. To whom would you give it?

Cynthia: Another tough question...one thousand dollars is not a lot of money and it's a one time give away, right? When we first moved to Puerto Rico, I was painfully distressed about the homeless people. I tried to do what I could. I got to know one such man, Hector, who was living on the streets near my apartment by the beach. He would ask me for money sometimes, or clothes, or batteries. He started coming to my window and calling "Misse, Misse" at all hours. I told him to wait until I was outside before he made requests. He wanted earphones for a CD player but the player was broken. He couldn't understand that earphones wouldn't make him be able to hear sound. While out for a walk, I saw that he was sitting near the dumpster by the Orchid Palace drinking orange juice and gin/vodka/whisky(?); he hid it from me. He started calling me "jefa" (boss lady) and it started to feel like an overly dependant relationship. I was helping to make his life worse. I felt troubled. Now, I'm trying to help with the stray dog problem here in Puerto Rico. But the animals need so much care, and our environment can only handle so many dogs. Between the injections, neutering, medication for health conditions, it cost so much more than a thousand dollars. And then there is the problem of violence expressed in hate crimes and war...and what about the world hunger problem?

I assign my students research projects on the homeless, animal abuse, violence and poverty and they come up with the most insightful ideas. Plus, they have the added advantage of youthful hope and willpower to accomplish difficult tasks so I feel I'm helping in some way to inspire positive change through these assignments. Consequently, I think if I had a thousand dollars, I would give it in a scholarship to a student who has the will to study but not the means. Maybe I would call it the "Practice Peace" or the "Pondering Paradox" or the "Will to Change" scholarship. (Okay, I'm free associating with the title but you get the idea.) It won't pay for much but the gesture would let that student know that someone cares if she/he finishes and would notice her/his contributions to our world.

Cynthia: Elizabeth, thank you for your excellent and provocative questions.



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Getting to Know You; An Invitation



Elizabeth was interviewed by willow, if you would like to be interviewed by me please leave a comment here. I'll write the questions and email them to you. You post a link to my name and Elizabeth, and then invite others to be interviewed. I enjoyed thinking about these questions and I will try to come up with good questions for you as well!






Logo from Conversation Cafe

We'll sing in the sunshine, we'll laugh everyday...

Joy vi : to experience great pleasure or delight (Webster's New Collegiate Dictionary -1977)

A Tag for anyone and everyone from the artists Sukipoet and Blue Sky Dreaming that is passed on to anyone and everyone who reads OWL blog.

Five-ish (to the point) things I do daily to bring joy into my life. (2 sets of 5=10)

1. Meditate every morning. (& practice yoga)

2. Avoid abrasive people. (Avoid conflict)

3. Read. Blog. Write. Listen.

4. Take care of something. (People, pets, garden...)

5. Confront something that I'm avoiding. (Confront conflict)

6. Make a plan. (& put plan into immediate action...Note below: Joy Inducing Plan #1 and Plan #2)

7. Focus on something beautiful and alive. (Nature, babies, people...)

8. Focus on something beautiful and created. (Music, art, food...)

9. Notice. (Life, others, growth)

10. Appreciate. Appreciate. Appreciate.

SING ALONG: And now blogger friends, a most corny opportunity to karaoke along with We'll sing in the sunshine, lyrics included.

Plan # 1: Stop being too serious. Plan # 2: Stop making sense. (David Byrne-ism.)


Cringe and laugh along with this Helen Redding Muppet Show selection:

[Note Plan # 1]



What the heck! Watch David Move in the poorly recorded little gem!

[Note Plan # 2)




And finally any blogger who reads OWL blog and/or who needs a joy boost is free to copy and give themselves the Sukipoet Impartial "Puppy Love" Award- okay [confessional tone] I named it...I can't help it; I like words [yes, I know, a healthy rationalization, which I consider to be a necessary joy inducing skill--Bloggers note, (again) this follow on is an advanced level rationalization].

Does anyone have any questions? (David Byrnesque conclusion.)