Feeling Disappointed? Sleep it Off

CAT DREAMING OF FISH in OLD SAN JUAN, PUERTO RICO

 Sculpture by Jorge Zeno: "LA NAVE DE LOS PINGUINOS"

Last Saturday after art class I had an undefinable and unsettled feeling. What is this about? I stopped at Treasures in Old San Juan to talk with the design connoisseur and shop owner, Sonia.  I told her how I felt disappointed with my art work that day and she asked me, "Are you getting a grade or something?" It made me realize that my standard for work has little to do with outside approval but more with inside resonance.
I think I was displeased because I failed to meet my own expectations, i.e., I didn't take risks. We were doing color studies and the idea of form and space was loosely addressed by four exercises.
My inspiration was blocked and I could only think of color rather than form.

Çolor moving all over the page...like water or a forest...

I painted backgrounds rather than a foreground images. What was that about? I worried that I wasn't being brave. Trust the process and not the product...go with it...sigh...

I love that "Bubbly" feeling and childlike sense of wonder that erases all sense of risk.
Here I am back to the page, brush in hand, ...armed with a little inspiration courtesy of Colbie Caillat :

Maternal Moosings

Oasis Returns: A few notes on life, change and mothers

Espresso coffee with warm milk taste better than Mr. Coffee's rushed cup.

Do you start your day off with coffee? I can drink a pot of "American" coffee without getting "the jitters" while consuming two cups of Yaucono espresso could send me over the top. I usually get up early in the morning and put on the coffee- first thing. Though I have cut down my intake of coffee, I continued to drink a cup of coffee in the morning. (Haven't you been thrilled with the news that coffee could have some health benefits?) My motto: Healthy eating in moderation! Isn't that sentiment a contradiction coming from a lifelong vegetarian? I still like a bit of butter and cheese but lately, I prefer higher quality dairy products and avoid eggs.


This morning, I listened to the roosters crow and chickens squawk while I walked to the front gate of Green Oasis Finca. I have just planted a white rose bush that was given to me by nearly grown daughter, Miss A, which I, in turn, dedicated to mom because it was the anniversary of her murder on May 5. I found the physical act of digging deep into the earth and planting this ever-blooming floribunda rose, Summer Snow, the perfect way to connect and disperse this heavy laden grief that burdens me around Mother's Day. I feel refreshed and ready to get on with life. I just need a little sip of coffee, love from my family, and the company of blogging buddies to keep me thriving. I have appreciated the continued visits to my quiet Oasis blog, even though I feel like this black and white Holstein. Look at that face!
I have discovered that "girl cows" do have horns. And that in women, they hide under the surface until about the age of 50 years or so. My own horns are showing! Or rather I'm feeling a bit edgy-and it's not from the coffee. My daughter is soon off to college, and I feel strong pressure coming from that impending change in both of our lives.

My lovely daughter just finished this painting, yesterday.














Beginnings are scary. Endings are usually sad, but it's what's in the middle that most counts. So when you find yourself at the beginning, just give hope a chance to float up. And it will! Hope Floats


Amber's Sun 5/2010