When I was a pre-teen, I walked to the backfield on our farm in Michigan and decided to climb the thorny crab apple tree. I had been warned, "Don't eat those apples; they'll give you a stomach-ache." I did secretly eat one and I was okay so later, I tried to taste their sour-bitterness again. Just one taste was sufficient to remind me that there was no way to acquire a taste for crab apples. However, today I encountered another crabby-apple in the form of a bitter person who would not accept my apology for both real and imaginary transgressions. I didn't know I had eaten the apple until later when I noticed that my emotions were encased in a clear sheet of ice. I couldn't find my known self for a while but suddenly, my music motivating muse heated me through. (Enya/Watermark)."Oh, there I am." Getting back to the dangerous climb story... I pulled myself to the upper-most branches when I heard a series of consecutive snaps that sounded like the tiny popper-crackers that children throw down just to delight in their own noisy-making. All the while, the brambled-up branches were grabbing hold of my jacket, slowing my fall and delivering me crisply to the ground, unharmed except for a few scratches that later began to burn. That's how I feel now after the rejection, "I'm okay. I didn't break my arm and I won't get in trouble." May we all heal quickly, may our falls be buffered. May we keep our hearts open and remember, "It's not their fault!"Thank you sukipoet for permission to use your frozen apple photograph.
You can find her at http://sukipoet.blogspot.com/
Interesting story and glad the photo illustrated what you wanted to say. Thanks for the link. You know, I have apologized for perceived transgressions and have one friend who never accepts apology. But now I try to detach from that aspect. In other words, I do my part and apologize, say I am sorry whatever. Then let go of the result of that apology. Some may say thank you, others refuse in their hardness to acknowledge the healing you are putting forth. The important thing is that you acknowledged that he/she felt there was a transgression. You acknowledged their feeling of woundedness. Perhaps it will be another person who gives you forgiveness. Besides yourself of course. Communication is so difficult.
ReplyDeleteThank you for coming over and viewing your photo in the context of the story. Sometimes we get separated from our own awareness of ourselves when we reach out and are rejected (that's my reaction). What I wanted to say is that it is important to continue being in the state of sharing and openness to communication but without agenda. Your words are well taken, Suki.
ReplyDeleteThose crabby appleton people can be so difficult. It's hard not to let them get under your skin. You just have to let them go and move along down the road of life. They are the ones who are unhappy and missing out on those lovely intangiables!
ReplyDeleteWhen I was growing up, I used to be called thin-skinned. Now my skin seems thicker, but the real me is underneath telling me, "Who are you kidding?"
ReplyDeleteHi Cynthia,
ReplyDeletei agree with Willow...these are the kind of persons i try to avoid...unfortunately, we're bound to meet them occasionally on our path!
thank you very much for your lovely comment.
:-)
Cynthia, your profile intrigues me. This crab apple story is the perfect metaphor of childhood – the ups, the downs, the bittersweet memories. How unpleasant to encounter an adult acting like a spoiled child. Not accept an apology? That person isn’t worth knowing. Willow is right.
ReplyDeleteWhat wonderful support! Thank you Sara Laurence and My Castle in Spain blogger for visiting OWL and picking up my holiday spirits.
ReplyDeleteI'm enjoying your stories, keep writing!
ReplyDelete